The Four Things That Matter Most

The importance of relationships is never more present than at end of life. Palliative care physician Dr. Ira Byock, in his book The Four Things That Matter Most, explores the power of these simple phrases to connect us to one another. And while Dr. Byock's words are often used in strengthening relationships at end of life, they are valuable throughout our lives. Why wait?

“Please forgive me.”

Asking for forgiveness gives space for acknowledgment of past wrongs. It is never easy to ask for forgiveness--it puts us in a vulnerable place: what if they say no? Being able to ask means humbling ourselves and acknowledging our limitations as a person. That said, there is no one among us who does not benefit from being forgiven.

“I forgive you.”

Letting others know you forgive them is an act of grace that allows for deeper connection. Being able to forgive others means coming to terms with those we love. Forgiving is not forgetting, but it can free us to let go of emotional pain when we can. Byock believes that we do not always need to feel forgiveness before offering it, and that it may be that saying the words actually brings us closer to the feeling of forgiveness.

“Thank you.”

Showing gratitude for what others have done for us demonstrates our awareness of the work of others on our behalf. Being grateful boosts our emotional and physical well-being. Even in hard times, people who find gratitude in their circumstances can experience these benefits.

“I love you.”

Letting our loved ones know that we love them is always important, but perhaps never more so than at end of life. Not everyone can get these words out! Is it easier to write the words than to speak them? Try what works best for you.

"The things that matter most in our lives are not things at all."

Give a listen to Dr. Byock being interviewed about the Four Things that Matter Most. Find this podcast here.

At Enchanted Sky Hospice, providing care--physical, emotional, and spiritual--gives us an opportunity to support one another when it matters most. We provide care in ways that hold meaning for patients and their loved ones, honoring the humanity found within each of us.